So I think it's strange the things that can bring back memories, such as a song, a smell, a certain sound, etc.
Lately music has been doing that a lot for me. I guess because I spent so much time wandering around Paris alone with my ipod a lot of my memories from that time are tied to the music I was listening too, which was often the same couple of songs or bands. Besides just the fact that a song can bring back a memory, it amazes me how strong these memories are. They actually make me feel like I'm right back there sitting on the metro or walking through the sunday market or the Tuileries. These memories are so strong that it make me miss Paris so much, so much that it actually hurts sometimes. Then from this I start questioning why I actually left Paris, I know I had my reasons and I still remember those reasons and know they probably were best, but I still can't help but regret my decision sometimes. I do look back on these memories fondly and am very thankful for my time spent there but I just never realized how much it would hurt looking back on the memories and how much I'd actually miss it. It just amazes me how much I can miss and feel attached to a place that I only spent 1 1/2 years of my life at, especially considering I was such a stranger there. I think what I might miss the most is the anonymity a city like Paris gives; the ability to go on about your life on your own with no one else to worry about or question what you're doing with your life. I sort of felt withdrawn from the world and yet completely immersed in it at the same time. It was easy to ignore the news, the t.v and its latest shows, music, pop culture, and even what my friends and family were up to back home, yet while igorning all of this and withdrawing myself from the world happenings I was out meeting new people from all over the world, traveling around to different countries, cities or regions, taking in new cultures and experiencing what the world really had to offer. And I loved every minute of it, it didn't matter that I didn't know what had happened on the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy or what the hot new band/song was, I was out enjoying my life the way I wanted to and seeing new parts of the world and experiencing new cultures, or perhaps it was simply going to a new museum to discover that maybe I do like certain types of art. But then despite all of this, I come back to the U.S. and within a few months I've fallen right back into my old ways, no more museums, no more exploring the city, barely any new aquaintances different from me, right back to watching the hot new shows, checking out the latest music, and overall being a bum. I can't help but wonder why I fall right back into a routine I didn't want to be in once I return to the U.S. and why I can't find that same feeling of anonymity here in the U.S. Was it simply the language and cultural barriers that were there in France or was the environment more inviting to that type of lifestyle in Paris or is it something else? Is it possible it's just ingrained in me that much that I turn right back into my old self upon my return to the U.S. despite how much I felt I changed while abroad, although I still do notice some changes still in place.
I guess I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, it seems to be a giant ramble at this point, but hey that's what I do, I'm a rambler. Basically I'm missing France and am very torn between my life here and my life there.